Ignorance is bliss, or is it?

Have you ever heard the expression, "You don't know what you don't know?"  The thinking is that if you are lacking knowledge or experience with something you might not even know that you are missing it in the first place.  For example, when a child learns about long division it is brand new.  They often don't even know that such a thing exists until someone shows it to them.  I always think of "you don't know what you don't know" as being on a larger scale, more like life experience, travel, cultural exploration and so on.

As adults, I think, many of us don't have very many moments where we realize we are learning or experiencing something new for the first time.  Even as new parents we usually have seen others parent or use our experiences with our own parents as reference.  Today I realized that I might be in a place where I just don't know what the alternative would be like or feel like.  And, I find myself feeling surprised.

So, the big question - do I really enjoy life?  I don't mean do I enjoy my life.  I mean do I live my life to the full potential and experience all that I can.  The answer is, I don't know because I don't know if the things I'm not doing would be more enjoyable.  I'm back at trying to eat right, exercise, find time for me and take better care of myself.  Part of eating better is planning my meals better.  Tonight while JD bathed the girls I spent about an hour prep, measuring and cooking food for my lunches this week.  Usually this time would be my "quiet" time which is really code for watching TV, checking email and generally doing nothing.  After the hour of prepping I felt frustrated that I had missed out on some quiet me time.  Then the thought struck:  I still had a quiet hour by myself and I could have listened to music or watched TV to make the hour more enjoyable WHILE  prepping meals.  DUH!  I know, so stupid right?  This got me thinking about the things that I don't do and just assume are not enjoyable because I just KNOW if they are.  While I'm sitting on couch "enjoying" a movie is someone else walking or biking or knitting or swimming and having a more enjoyable experience than me?  What if they are, does is matter?  Or more importantly, what if I'm missing out on life (because I'm comfortable living in a state of inaction) and don't even know it?  Hmmmm....now the wheels are turning!

Try, try, try again!

After almost a full year of NOT even visiting my blog I felt compelled to come back and read some of what I wrote.  Of course reading old posts has compelled me to write.  Looking back I can hear my motivation and desire to change, to do good, to be the best me.  All of this is very ironic as I find myself sitting at strange point in my life.  Many great things have come to me and my family over the last year, but at the same time any (or all) sense of balance I was creating has vanished.  I'm happy with my job and our changing family life; yet feeling the deepest sense of dislike for myself.  Hard thing to admit - yes, I do not like myself.  Ouch!  Maybe coming back to my blog will help me return to the place I was (mentally) over a year ago that was full of motivation and drive.  I actually just read a post here, my own words, that said, "Taking action has to come before motivation because motivation really is the power to KEEP going, not the power to GET going!"   Wow!  I need a little more of that attitude right now!  I'm going to do my best to find it and start walking the tightrope again.  After all, it is far more fun to be a part of the circus than it is to sit in the audience.

(Words of encouragement, cheers and applause is welcome.  Heckling not permitted!  Including any negative self-talk.  Violators be warned!)

Fell Off the Tightrope!

I admit it, I fell.  Not a quick, short fall, but a long, slow, through a hole in the Earth kind of a fall.  I've barely blogged in the last 10 to 12 months, which is a good (but bad) reflection of the how much balance there has been in my life this year.

The good news is that I've been busy teaching.  I've learned so much since September, my confidence as a teacher is growing all the time and I feel like this job is the most rewarding thing I've ever done.  (Outside of being a mom of course!)

The bad news is that I'm tired!  Too tired to find time for me or force the issue with JD.  I know he would help me find the time in the day, but I don't have the mental energy to navigate the schedule.

So what to do?   Count the days.  That's right count the days until school ends, then sleep for at least 24 hours straight and then climb the ladder back up to the tightrope platform.  Try, try again!

27...that is the magic number....27 instructional days left until summer vacation.  I can do it!

Kids Say and Do the Darnedest Things

From December, some holiday treasures to savour:

Molly is devastated that not only will Santa Claus be IN her house, but that he will EAT her cookies. Poor kid!

I woke up to a note beside my bed that exactly read, "Mom can we PLEASE get a dog and Molly will do everything." Sophie's new spelling words this week included "please" and she put it to good use too! Sorry Sophie, no dog for us.

Sophie and I discussed the importance/"realness" of Christmas, the Easter Bunny, fairies, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and God. The final verdict was that she doesn't believe in all of these people, but the ones she does believe in must live with Santa Claus at the North Pole....because how else can they all see you if they don't share the same 'magic snowball'. Love kid logic!!!

Molly at two says (and I quote), "butthole". This of course is followed by a time-out and a long lecture for Dad!

The girls are given a choice to stay up late for a movie and popcorn or extra story time in Mom's bed. Of course they choose a movie, but at bed time the following conversation ensues: Molly, "Story now, Mama." Me, "No story tonight because you chose to watch a movie." Molly, "I don't want watch movie!" Me, "It's too late, you already watched it." Molly, "I don't want to watch movie!" And on and on the circular conversation goes. Molly doesn't quite understand that what's done is done!

Apocalypse: Party-time or just keep truckin'?

Continuing with the challenge, answer this in just one sentence:

If this is the year to end all life, how would you live your life? Would you go on like normal? Would you party-it-up? What would you do differently or the same?

My answer: I would live more, better and harder.

Long answer: I would celebrate milestones, birthdays, holidays and everything in between with more enthusiasm. I would eat better, dress better, exercise more, and care for myself with intention. I would work harder, give more, share more, and love more. It would be great to travel, party, celebrate, laze and love, but if I knew this was it (because the Mayan calendar says so) I would want to leave my life being the best me I could be. I would want to leave this life knowing I lived with intention, dedication, passion and energy.   Leave this life being the best me, and not a different me.

Guess I better get going....you never know after all...this sounds remarkably like a new year's resolution...yuck! Doomed to fail! ;-}

Apocalypse: Me at Thirty-one.

Remember the challenge? Answer this question in just one sentence: if this year is the apocalypse year, the year that the world ends, how would you want to be described? (I know if the world ends there will be no one here to describe you or your life, but play along.) What have you done? Accomplished? What mark have you left? What kind of a person are/were you?

My answer: "Neither bad nor good at mothering, teaching or being a wife; Sadie leaves little mark on this world, but she tried to care for others first and loved her family with all her heart."

(Okay, I'm not a one sentence kind of a person so here is the rest.)

For every day that I have a success, I have a failure. For every day that I'm an awesome mom, I make a world-enveloping mistake. For every day I love others too much, I don't love myself enough. Whether any of this is good or bad I don't know, and I'm not sure I care because regardless of my errors, my flaws and even my triumphs I'm trying. I try to be a good mom, a good wife, a good friend, a good teacher, I try to be good and do good when wearing all my different hats. And, I honestly think that is all anyone can do. Do your best, be your best and always hope for the best. One day I may actually be the best I can be, and until then I'll just keep trying. What's that expression? An 'A' for effort. For me effort triumphs success and failure. I hope that those around me know that I'm always trying, striving, putting in effort...

The Year of 'The Apocalypse'.

I'm not one for new year's resolutions. I guess I just figure when you need to make a change is the right time and January 1st isn't always that time. So, new year's resolutions aside here are two interesting ideas:

1) If this year is the apocalypse year, the year that the world ends, how would you want to be described? (I know if the world ends there will be no one here to describe you or your life, but play along.) What have you done? Accomplished? What mark have you left? What kind of a person are/were you?

2) If this is the year to end all life, how would you live your life? Would you go on like normal? Would you party-it-up? What would you do differently or the same?

Last challenge, can you answer these puzzlers in a sentence? Yep, just one sentence each. I'll do it if you will. Let the thinking beginning!

P.S. I do NOT believe in 'The Apocalypse", but I like the idea of reflecting on life from a different, albeit morbid, angle.

The Questions!

Mum, why we goin' this store? To shop. Oh...Mum, what that car doin'? Going home. Oh...What the people doin' in that car? Going home. Oh...Mum, why that man sweep the floor? To make it clean. Oh...Mum, I walk? No. Mum, I ride cart? Yes, please. Okay. Mum, what we buy? A present for Daddy. Oh...We go get Sophie? Not yet, soon. Okay. Mum..... (I put in punctuation, but these conversations usually feel like one long run-on sentence.)

Every question starts with "Mum..." and ends with another question. I love this age, but the questions! The questions just never end. An inquisitive mind is a blessing and a curse!

Come Back Queen!

It has been forever since I've had time to write, or felt like I had the energy for that matter. This fall has been so busy and really amazing too. For the first time in a long time I feel a great sense of pride and satisfaction from my career. I'm working part-time at one school instead of supply teaching all over the city and I love it. I love feeling connected to the kids. I love watching them grow, change and learn what I am teaching them. Their little brains have so much power and so much curiosity! It truly is inspiring to watch small children have 'ah-ha' moments.

At home things are changing too. Molly is really becoming her own person. Her personality is starting to shine through - she is playful, sweet and cuddly but tempermental and strong-willed. Molly is working hard a potty-training. We are making progress, but not without our fair share of accidents. It is so frustrating to know that we are so close to being done with diapers and yet so far.

Things are changing for Sophie too. First grade has been a good experience for her. She is making friends, becoming very independent and shows more and more care for others every day. She is an amazing big sister and has a big heart. She is also having more than her fair share of challenges. Reading, spelling, and phonics are all a problem for Sophie. The school has decided to do some assessments with Sophie to figure out what her strengths and weaknesses are. They are hoping to set her up with some strategies to overcome some of her struggles. I have very mixed emotions about this new development, but that is for another day.

So many things are falling to place. I feel good about the future and I truly believe we, my family, are in a great spot to start of the new year on the right foot! So good to be back. Can't wait to write again soon!

Kids Say and Do the Darnedest Things.

Time for some Molly-isms:

"Tick or Treat!" I think I'll take the treat since I'm not sure what you mean by 'tick'!

"I like you Mommy!" Thanks.

"I need a dinky! Dinky of juice, please." Why do kids insist on skipping 'r' and adding 'y' to the end of everything?!?!?

'Tinkle, tinkle little tar." Enough said. :-)

"What's your name?" "I a girl." "Yes, but what is your name?" "Girl." Okay.

Tooth Fairy, Part 2.

The Tooth Fairy took the the tooth and left a toonie (a $2 Canadian coin), instead of the oh so desired My Little Pony.

To this Sophie said, "Is this enough money to buy something?"

The response, "Nope, but by the time all your teeth fall out you will have enough to buy something."

Sophie, "How long will that take?"

Postscript: The classmate who received the My Little Pony 'earned' said gift after having her first baby tooth surgically removed. How do you explain that one to a not-quite six-year-old! :-)

The Trials and Tribulations of the Tooth Fairy.

Little did I know when I set out on this crazy adventure of motherhood that my first encounter with the Tooth Fairy would be like watching a trashy afternoon soap opera.

Opening Scene:

"Mommy! My tooth is loose!"

"No way! Let me see..."

Scan tooth. Close-up of wiggle.

"Well, let's hope it doesn't fall out before tomorrow."

"Why?"

"It is picture day at school!"

Tune ominous music.

Next day:

An uneventful day plays out at school. Photos are taken and tooth is still intact.

"Lovely smile!" says the photographer.

Another close-up of smile and then tooth.

Scene change:

Arriving home from school. Regular after-school, pre-dinner activities ensue.

"Mommmmeeeeee!"

"What? Are you hurt?"

"My tooth fell out! My toooottthhhh felllll ooouuuuuttttt!"

"Let's see. Yup your tooth fell out. Where is it?"

"Here."

Scan to tooth stuck to sweaty five-year-old hand.

"That's exciting. Now the tooth fairy will come!"

"Yep, and she isn't going to bring me money."

"Sure, she will."

"No. Annie got a 'My Little Pony' from the Tooth Fairy."

"She did?!?!?" Pan to Mommy's face, revealing surprise, worry and a load of WHAT???? Since when does the Tooth Fairy leave anything more than $2.

Cut to next scene:

"I can't eat dinner."

"Why not?"

"I have no tooth."

"We are having soup and sandwiches. I think you will be able to eat dinner."

"I guess. I'll just eat on one side."

"Good idea. Want to call Grandma or Nana and tell them?"

"No," and lots of tears. Next 10 minutes are spent crying over lost tooth.

Final scene, hours after bedtime:

Loud sobbing can be heard from upstairs.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want my tooth to go."

"What?"

"I don't want the Tooth Fairy to take my tooth."

Big sigh.....

Thanks For The Compliment!

Thanks to Amber at The Confessions of A Doer Mom for honouring me with 'The Versatile Blogger' award. It is always nice to receive some positive recognition. Be sure to visit Amber at her blog.

The honour of this award requires me to share seven things about me:

1) I've lived in one city and only three houses my whole life.

2) I love alone time. Completely alone.

3) I love being a part-time teacher and part-time at home mom.

4) My favourite number is three and that makes it hard to only have two babies.

5) I want to travel...but not until my children are grown.

6) I am addicted to chai lattes, from Starbucks of course.

7) I wish I could blog, go to the gym and read a book at the same time.

And now, four blogs I'd love for you to read:

1) Hoo Goes Where...photos charm me every time.

2) Moms Madhouse Advice Blog...never do I not smile and laugh.

3) Not So Silent Mommy...I relate.

4) The Real Housewife of Oxford County....funny, honest and always a great read.

Hope you enjoy the reads!

Thankful.

This has been a wild week. Sophie has been sick and ended up in the hospital for two days (but that is for another day). Now it is Saturday and Monday is Thanksgiving. It only seems fitting to take a few minutes to express some gratitude.

Right now I'm grateful for:

The sunny day and sunny days to come.

The golden light of fall.

Fiery colours of fall leaves.

Little girl smiles.

My husband.

My parents.

My babysitter.

Chocolate and fresh apples, but not together.

Butterfly and bunny kisses.

My job, I'm loving it.

Warm days, cool nights.

Blue jeans, t-shirts and sweaters.

Nurses. Medicine.

Good health.

Seven years.

Lots to be grateful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Kids Say and Do the Darnedest Things.

An extended edition of "Kids Say and Do the Darnedest Things".

Miss. Molly is in a roll this week with all these little gems:

"I not a lady, I a gurl!"

Me, "Can you place nicely?" Molly, "Me no place nice."

"I not a baby, I a little kid."

"This my Sophie, this my Mama, this me," when meeting friends in the school yard.

To the pizza man, "Thank you for pissa. I wear 'rina jammies." (Translation: "Thank you for the pizza. I'm wearing ballerina pajamas."

To the lady in the drugstore as we bought a package of pull-ups, "These my underwear."

And on and on it goes. Learning to talk is a wonderful thing!

Friday Five - Its been a while!

Lets stop bullying together, now!

Please visit Sippy Cup Chronicles for a great blogging anti-bullying campaign.

ABCs of Me

A - Adventurous, I am not!

B - Books, I can't live without them.

C - Can't ride a bicycle, its true.

D - Daughters, two of them.

E - Exercise.  I battle everyday to be active and to enjoy exercising, its getting easier but not easy yet.

F - Fall leaves, golden sunlight, cool nights, and cozy sweaters all make for my favourite time of year.

G - Girlfriends.  I couldn't get through the good, the bad and the ugly without them.

H - Hobby suggestions?  I need a new one.

I - Ice cream!  If the world didn't have ice cream I would be at least two sizes smaller.

J - JD is my high school sweetheart, best friend of 13 years and husband of 7.  Love you!

J, again - June, Molly's birth.

K - Kids.  All day.  School kids.  My kids.  All day there are kids!

L -  Libraries are really great places, but cracking the spine on a new book gives me butterflies.

M -  Movies and cuddles.  :-)

N - November, Sophie's birth.

O -  October, when we were married.  xoxo

P - Princess and pink, yech!  I'd trade pretty in pink, for beautiful in blue any day.

Q - Quiet.  I like the quiet.  I love quiet moments by myself.  Quiet solitude.

R -  Reading in my jammies, cuddled up in bed on a rainy day is my absolute favourite.

S -  Sadie isn't my real name, but it does have special memories and my real name does start with S.

T - Teaching is my second career, and even though I'm underemployed I'm loving every minute of it.

U - Understood, sometimes I feel misunderstood.

V - Vacation soon, please!?!?

W - Women who shower at the gym and take the time to put on socks and shoes, but nothing else before putting on their makeup or doing their hair are a mystery to me.  I know it is a women's change room and I'm not a prude, but why just your socks and shoes?  

X - Xenodochial, love the idea of paying it forward and try to in little ways.  Look it up, xenodochial!

Y - Young mom with lots of energy has always been my goal, and I think I've succeeded.

Z - Zoom is the sound of time speeding by as my babies become big girls.  I wish I couldn't hear that sound!

The Classroom Bully - Part 2

Following up to the bullying story from yesterday I decided to speak to Sophie's teacher.  I know kids can be mean, but I just feel like it is never okay for any child to come home from school crying.

Sophie's teacher was really receptive and said she is aware of a few issues among students in her class, but hadn't noticed Sophie having a problem.  She said she would be watching to see if someone was giving her a hard time and let me know if she felt Sophie was having an on going problem or if it was just a time incident.  She was really disappointed that Sophie didn't feel comfortable coming to talk to her and said she thought she might talk to the class about the difference between telling on a bully and tattle-taling.  I'm so glad I spoke to the teacher.  Even though there wasn't anything she could do and there was no real resolution it was really nice to know that she cares and wants the best for all her students.  So many teachers are disengaged and disconnected from their students these days and it is a true gift to find a passionate, engaged and genuinely interested teacher.  I think we are all feeling really positive about Sophie's upcoming adventures in first grade.  We can't wait to watch Sophie grow and flourish over the next ten months!

Thank you for all the comments.  Bullying touches so many people and I would encourage anyone who is interested to visit the following websites for more information:

Pink Shirt Day - Against Bullying
Roots of Empathy
Bullying Canada
Stop Bullying
Registry of Anti-Bullying Programs

The Classroom Bully - Part 1

As a teacher I often see kids picking on each other, losing their patience and failing at negotiating social relationships at school.  As a teacher I encourage students to talk things out, think about the consequences of their words and actions, and have empathy for each other.  As a parent I have trouble staying level-headed and thinking through the best course of action when my own child is the one being picked on.

Today I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place - jumping to your child defence (immediately) or teaching your child how to resolve their own problems.  Sophie falls into the category of being a 'highly sensitive' child.  She can be a tattle-tale and it is often hard to tell how serious a situation is because you never know whether her reaction is bigger than the problem.  After school today she said she had a bad day and next came the tears.

Apparently a boy in her class has been "bugging" her for a few days and today he was "really mean".  First thing this morning he stopped Sophie from being able to hang her coat and bag up.  Then, at the end of the day he threw her coat on the floor and hit her with his shoes.  It took me almost an hour to get all the details out of Sophie and she cried on and off the whole time.  She doesn't talk about her feelings and doesn't want  her teacher to know any of this happened - all part of being sensitive.

So the dilemma.  Sophie doesn't really want to talk about or deal with the trouble this boy is causing her, but clearly she is sad and not looking forward to school tomorrow.  The logical mom in me spent a long time talking to her about moving away from people who are bothering her, using her words and talking to the teacher if needed.  The mama-bear in me wants to call her teacher and get this problem solved (quickly).  The trouble is that talking to her teacher goes directly against Sophie's wishes?  What would you do?  Third week of school, and your child is in tears!  What would you do?

A Whirlwind!

Life has been a true whirlwind lately!  Lunch packing, clothes picking, laundry washing, house cleaning, lesson planning, book retrieving, home working doing chaos!  We are all settling into our new routine, but we certainly are tired.

Beyond the chaos, stress and a feeling incredibly overwhelmed I am loving our new schedule this fall.  Working half-time is amazing!  I have never really understood the phenomenon of being a stay at home mom with a full-time nanny, but I sort of (sort of!) get it now.  Sophie is at school full-time, Molly is at the sitter's full-time and I work half-time.  That leaves me time by myself almost every day to get something done.  I can do laundry without being followed around, I can buy groceries without listening to kids have fits, and I can go the gym without trying to figure out feeling guilty that I'm "taking too long".  I can even get extra lesson planning done during the day which leaves my evenings free for baths, stories, homework, etc.  This isn't to say that we aren't busy, but I feel like I actually have more time working half-time than I did being home with the girls full-time all summer.  We will see how the wallet feels after a few weeks of paying the babysitter, but so far I feel like this new schedule is really going to work well for us.

I'm feeling positive, energized and enthusiastic for the first time in a long time.  I can't wait to see how this fall unfolds, and as much as I hope the teacher I'm covering for recovers from her illness I'm secretly hoping she stays on leave all year and not just until Christmas.  (This is the one downside of being a supply teacher or earning a temporary position it usually means you are depending on some else's misfortune.  Makes you feel a little guilty.)  Maybe the stars are finally aligning and things are getting on track for our family!