As a teacher I often see kids picking on each other, losing their patience and failing at negotiating social relationships at school. As a teacher I encourage students to talk things out, think about the consequences of their words and actions, and have empathy for each other. As a parent I have trouble staying level-headed and thinking through the best course of action when my own child is the one being picked on.
Today I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place - jumping to your child defence (immediately) or teaching your child how to resolve their own problems. Sophie falls into the category of being a 'highly sensitive' child. She can be a tattle-tale and it is often hard to tell how serious a situation is because you never know whether her reaction is bigger than the problem. After school today she said she had a bad day and next came the tears.
Apparently a boy in her class has been "bugging" her for a few days and today he was "really mean". First thing this morning he stopped Sophie from being able to hang her coat and bag up. Then, at the end of the day he threw her coat on the floor and hit her with his shoes. It took me almost an hour to get all the details out of Sophie and she cried on and off the whole time. She doesn't talk about her feelings and doesn't want her teacher to know any of this happened - all part of being sensitive.
So the dilemma. Sophie doesn't really want to talk about or deal with the trouble this boy is causing her, but clearly she is sad and not looking forward to school tomorrow. The logical mom in me spent a long time talking to her about moving away from people who are bothering her, using her words and talking to the teacher if needed. The mama-bear in me wants to call her teacher and get this problem solved (quickly). The trouble is that talking to her teacher goes directly against Sophie's wishes? What would you do? Third week of school, and your child is in tears! What would you do?
Ah... Poor little Sofie. I think I might send a discreet email to the teacher just as a head's up. Explain that your daughter may be blowing things out of proportion but see what she recommends.
ReplyDeletePoor thing. I also think that telling the teacher is the best thing. Rebecca's advice of explaining that it might be blown out of proportion is also good. That way the teacher can at least be looking out. I'm sorry. I remember those days.
ReplyDeleteI never wanted my parents to intervene in school either. I thought it was embarrassing and would probably lead to more problems. As an adult, I wish my parents had done it anyway. If it was me, I would talk to my child again and come up with an agreement where they would keep me posted, but if it wasn't any better by a certain deadline, then I would talk to the teacher. They probably wouldn't still beg me not to (I would have.) but that gives them space to handle it on their own. It also should weed out if the problem is a big or small thing, and lets them know that you have their back if they need help.
ReplyDeleteSomething else we have in common - I'm a teacher too:) And I find that when I deal with kids at school, I'm level-headed and know just what to do, but when it comes to my own kids, I often get a little emotional... one of the challenges of being a parent I suppose!
ReplyDeleteI'd tell the teacher what Sophie told you, but let them know that Sophie didn't want you to say anything - the teacher can then think of a way to approach her without letting on she'd spoken to you (I've had to do that many times - with teenagers! - tricky but sometimes necessary).
Hope you're well,
Kristina :)
Aww, that sounds like a very rough situation. My daughter is not yet 3 but I dread this problem. I remember being a kid, I was a sensitive child. I don't have any advice, sorry. I hope everything gets resolved!
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Thanks!
That's a tougher situation indeed. I think what Kristina suggested above sounds like a good option.
ReplyDeleteI had this happen with my oldest. I called the teacher, and she's working on a resolution. Now, things seem to be going much better with my daughter and the girl who was being mean.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. I'll be praying for you and yours.
I had to make the tough call once. I could not take my daughter coming home and someone calling her a whore everyday. I made the call to guidence and she called them in and my daughter still to this day does not know I called.
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