When I got married I chose to keep my maiden name rather than take JD's surname. I made this decision for a variety of reasons. At the time we carefully discussed the consequences and impact on our future children. Since then I haven't regretted or felt negatively about my decision. I have even thought that maybe I was setting a good example for my girls - the power of choice.
Then yesterday Sophie innocently told me that I wasn't part of her family. Ouch! We have had a number of discussions about why my last name is different then her's, her sister's and her dad's. We've talked about how important my family is to me, how I liked my name the way it was and how when we get married we are allowed to choose our name. I understood during all of these chats that she didn't totally understand, but I was happy that she was curious.
Lately, Sophie has been very curious about our extended family and how everyone is related. We have discussed at great length who is related to who and how are names come from other people in our family - both through the passing down of surnames and middle names. Through all of this I guess she recognized that my name isn't really related to anyone and so she came to the conclusion that I'm not connected the way she, JD and Molly are. I completely understand her five-year-old train of thought and I know that she will understand it all when she is older, but for that moment I had a horrible heartache. For those few quiet moments I felt detached, a little raw and remorsefully. Should I have changed my name? Maybe.
Then again, maybe not. Sophie knows I'm her mom and that I love her. One day she will understand why my name is different, but that JD and I are still the glue that holds us together. Her five-year-old curiosity wasn't meant to hurt or sting. As she puzzles her way through life I'm sure there will be many more occasions that cause she and/or I to feel heartache, but all that matters is that we come out the other side with a better understanding of each other.
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