What's in a name?

Recently I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about being called "Mom". (I hope she doesn't mind that I'm writing about this conversation.) She is a relatively new mother and explained to me that she felt strange when her partner called her Mom. After all, their newborn doesn't really know the difference. We chatted a bit about this first time experience of hearing your partner refer to you as Mom, and since then I've been thinking a lot about it.

I don't remember the first time my husband called me Mom in front of my daughter, I have no recollection of the first time I called him Dad, and I couldn't tell you when we fell into the easy habit of calling each other Mom and Dad all the time. I don't mind when my husband calls me Mom, after all that is who I am. The most important thing is that he still calls me by my name during adult conversation or when we are alone, because I'm still that person too. It is important that he calls me Mom and I call him Dad because that is how we teach our girls that we are their parents, that we are a pair. We are a team, we love them, we respect each other and we all have an important role in our family - I think calling each other Mom and Dad teaches all of that.

But I have other names too. I have my regular name, my teacher name, plus I'm a daughter, sister, granddaughter and friend. Having all these names helps me to have an identity, to draw a line and keep some balance in my life. Being called Ms. at school lets me take off my "mom-hat" and worry only about the classroom of children in my care. But being called Mom at home lets me turn off the teacher and worry only about my daughters. Having multiple names allows for my "multiple personalities" to take turns when needed. It isn't that I'm not whole or that I'm someone different at home, work or play. It is just that each title helps me to focus on the tasks and priorities at hand.

My names have become a tangible tool for maintaining balance and keeping my brain from going into overload. Being called Mom helps me forget about the things that happened to Ms. at school today and focus on parenting. That simple little name helps me give my daughters 100%. I'm happy to hear my husband call me Mom because we are a team - Mom and Dad to the rescue! (Even when he is working nights.) So Mom-it-up.....until the girls are sound asleep, and we are finally alone or until one of my long-lost girlfriends pours me a glass of wine! ;-)