Bittersweet.

I've been thinking about how parents take the happy with the sad, the good with the bad, and in the end we share a million bittersweet moments with our children. My youngest daughter, my baby, is 10 months-old now and I find myself eating up every second with her. I have an overwhelming desire to hear every giggle, catch each smile, and experience all her firsts because I am so acutely aware of how quickly she is growing up. This past week she has learned to clap her hands. She takes great pride and pleasure in clapping when you ask her to, and is overjoyed when you cheer her on. It is one of those firsts that seems mundane and ho-hum to an outsider; even my 4-year-old replied with an "I know Mom" when I asked her to watch her sister clap her hands for the hundredth time. But for me it is one of the firsts that I want to experience over and over again, because it is just that "a first". Once it has happened the moment is gone and she is on to her next first, her next milestone, and so very soon her first birthday. I am of course happy to see her exploring and learning about her world, but I am sad too that my baby is speeding towards toddler-hood.

I look at my 4 year-old and try to remember all her firsts too. Some of them are clean, crisp memories; while others are foggy or even lost forever. My heart breaks a little to realize that I can't remember when my oldest daughter first clapped her hands, and I'm trying very hard to forget that she will be 5 years-old this fall. Right when I'm thinking how sad it is that these moments pass us by so quickly she says something about wanting to be in the Olympics, a teacher AND a pet doctor when she grows up. I smile, realize this is another one of those bittersweet moments, and give her 150% of my attention. So here I am reveling in the bitterness of moments lost and all the sweet ones to come!