The Out-laws.

Over time I've come to learn that being married requires that I not only be a wife, friend and lover, but a diplomat. I frequently engage in what I consider to be acts of diplomacy in order to keep peace, harmony and open lines of communication between all the "family nations". Of course because I am comfortable with my own immediate family I don't usually have to be a diplomat. I can just be myself, tell it like it is, and say "F@*% off!" when I feel the need. However, with my in-laws (as I suspect is the case for most woman and maybe men too) I often feel like I am lost in a foreign land, fallen through the rabbit hole and into Wonderland.

I know you all know what I'm talking about. That funny feeling like as much as you love your in-laws and they love you, the fit is always just a little off. Kind of like wearing someone else's shoes - even though they are the right size they still feel a little funny. They do holidays differently, spend time together differently, have different family traditions or communication styles that you just never quite adapt to 100%.

I care for my in-laws deeply. They both clearly love my girls, they are helpful and kind, they are willing to do almost anything for us, and I know they appreciate us. But, and there is always a but, they are different from my parents. Sometimes they do or say things that my parents would never do and that to me seem so strange I can't even imagine what they are thinking. They are by no means bad people, but from time to time I do feel annoyed, irritated or even hurt by them. This is when I put on my diplomat's hat, grin, nod and go along for the ride.

Many people who know me well would likely describe me as blunt, maybe even to the point of being witchy, but when my mother-in-law proceeds to give my children one more treat or gift after my husband has asked her not to I bite my tongue. And, when my father-in-law complains that we never visit, but after 5 minutes of catching up gets comfortable on the couch to read his book I turn my head. I do these small things because they are my husband's family. They are the people who one way or another helped to make him who he is. I know for him all these little things don't seem that strange, annoying or even hurtful, and that is because they are what he knows...what he is used to.

So, here I am a few days after a relatively uneventful dinner with my in-laws thinking about the little things they did or said without really thinking first and reminding myself that if nothing else they do love their grandchildren. That alone is worth a million little acts of diplomacy. Now...time to start thinking off a surprise for their 40th wedding anniversary...after all my husband isn't likely to organize anything! ;-)