Back to the Beginning.

I've just spent some time reading my very first posts from March 2010.  Reading about how I was feeling, what I was expecting and how I perceived my life about 8 months ago is very interesting.  It has highlighted for me how much changes and how much stays the same in short period of time.  For example, Molly is still big trouble and more bold than Sophie ever was as a toddler.  I'm still struggling to figure out how to include ME in MY life, and time is still speeding quickly by.  However, things are changing.  I've spent more time in the last few months doing little things for myself than I have in a long time, and although I haven't lost the "10 lbs" yet there is progress to report.

At the beginning of the September with the routines of school coming back into our life I decided it was a great time to add something new to the routine.  I have had a gym membership for about four years and used in periodically at best.  So, with membership in hand I marched my sorry-self into the gym had a fitness assessment.  Talk about an eye-opening experience!

The only thing I can compare the fitness assessment to is a professional bra fitting.  (For any woman who has ever had this experience you will understand the shock and awe I am about to describe, and for any woman who hasn't had a professional bra fitting - DO IT!  You will be shocked and awed.)  Everyone I know,  including myself, who has had a bra fitting has been utterly surprised by the outcome.  It is my understanding that most of us oversize our band and undersize our cup.  And if you are anything like me you were shocked by the actual cup size you needed, but awed by your new and improved smaller band size.  I remember leaving the lingerie store feeling empowered by my new found size, excited to wear my properly fitting and comfortable bra; but hesitant if not slightly disturbed by the actual size.  I actually remember thinking, "Really, they make cup sizes that big!"  Followed by, "I realize I've got big boobs, but this is verging on embarrassing."

Leaving my fitness assessment left me with similar feelings.  I was shocked by how poor my actual state of health was, yet awed by some of my own abilities.  For example, I discovered that my percent of body fat was quite high meaning that the strength I perceived myself to have was exactly that - perception.  However I also learned that I am quite flexible, perhaps more so than the average person.  I felt crummy afterwards, but empowered to take action.  I was excited to perhaps take real action and at the same time scared of the choice I was about to make.  So, with trepidation, anticipation and muscles that ached at the thought I committed to a large number of personal training sessions.  Yikes, what the heck was I thinking!  ME?  Non-athletic, happy to sit and read book or cuddle through multiple movies, lazy, un-motivated Me, was going to see a trainer?  Yep!  And, with about 12 sessions down progress is slow, but I'm doing it and that is the most rewarding part.

So, in about an eight month period I've come back to where I started.  Trying to include something in our weekly schedule that is for me and about me while trying to lose weight.  The interesting thing is that in the end my whole family is likely going to benefit from me taking a few hours every week to be without them.  Seems that walking the tightrope is all about ironies!