I'm struggling this week. The death of my uncle is bothering me more than I thought it would. I'm sad that he is gone and gone so quickly, but my real struggle is in the likeness I feel with my cousin. I find myself trapped playing the "what-if" game. What if my dad died four days before my thirtieth birthday? What if he had died two months before my wedding? What if he had died before I had my girls? What if he dies before my youngest gets to know him? How would I feel? How does SHE feel???
My husband is working nights so we have had little opportunity to talk, and instead I am stewing, thinking, feeling sad. I think if he were here he would tell me that it is sad. He would hug me. He would understand why I feel the way I do, but knowing him he would tell me two things. First, I need to prepare myself that these things are going to happen to my loved ones. Second, that they haven't happened yet and that we are lucky enough to have shared our wedding, our girls and other special moments with all of our parents and my grandparents. Then he might even add a third thought - if I were in my cousins position my dad would want me to keep on living. Just like her dad would want for her. Still so very sad!
(Can't wait for my husband to get home from work tonight. He always knows just what to say. Well, most of the time.) ;-)
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