A new low, or is it a new high?

Well, you've probably noticed I haven't posted about my weight loss in a while. That's because there hasn't been any. I'm actually feeling rather embarrassed by my public declaration to loss 10 lbs by my birthday, which was followed by a rapid weight gain. Over the last while I went up and down in the same 5 lb range, but most recently I have sky rocketed to a new high. Its actually not a new high, I've been heavier than this but not in almost 10 years. So here I find myself feeling embarrassed by my own lack of motivation, drive and achievement, but also not surprised. And that's the problem. Why am I not surprised by my own failings? I think it is because I am acutely aware of my own weaknesses. I can rattle of with ease a long list of "things that are wrong with me", but why can't I make a list of "things that are right with me"? Where does my inability to offer positive self-talk come from? And, what do I do now? Is this just me? Can you change who you are? How? Still puzzling away at how to add a little more balance to my life and reach my goals. Well, really if I could just reach one goal, doesn't matter which one I think I would feel a huge sense of accomplishment. Or would I? (Feeling a little trapped in my own brain today. Can you tell as I write in circles???)