Shoes.

Since becoming a mother I have dedicated hours, days even, to children's shoes.  Why, oh why are kid's shoes such a pain in the @$$?

Before they even take those first precious steps we are trying to keep their toes warm and safe in slippers.  Slippers that only fit for a few weeks, don't stay on or are such a pain to get on that you give up.  Then our little ones start walking and we agonize over their first "real" pair of shoes.  Should they have laces or velcro?  Should they be soft-soled or stiff?  Do they fit???  Since baby can't talk yet they can't tell you if their tiny toes are being pinched.  Sigh.

Then in a blink of an eye you are hunting for winter boots in January because your child has had a growth spurt.  Rain boots, sandals, running shoes too!  Next comes school and they of course demand indoor and outdoor shoes.  Dress shoes, play shoes, going in the mud shoes!

And don't forget the most important rule: the child's toes must be a thumb space from the end of the shoe.  Well, damn it!  Who's thumb?  My thumb, my husband's thumb, my kid's thumb?  Since when is a thumb a standard unit of measurement!  Have you ever tried to feel a child's big toe inside a shoe?  Near impossible, especially when they are running around the store like crazy loons!

Having had the crazy-loon-running-around-like-a-maniac experience I made the mistake of trying to buy sandals without my kids.  Stupid me because that led to TWO more trips to the shoe store WITH my girls.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!  But honestly, what is it about the shoe store and kids?  You know how in high-end shoe stores they pump in that leather smell to entice you into purchasing?  Well, I swear that they pump kid's shoe stores with some sort of cat-nip-like vapour for children.  Do they make a vaporized sugar product that I don't know about?

After all that agony comes the true heartbreaking pain.  One little pair of two-year-old sandals that costs $55.  Gulp!  (No, I did NOT buy the $55 pair.)  For $55 I could buy a great pair of sandals for myself.  I'm a big believer in buying quality shoes - after all shoe to foot to ankle to knee to hip to back all sort of sounds important to me.  But $55?  Really?  For $55 the shoe salesperson should come to my house and put those shoes on and take them off my toddler every time we come and go.

When I was kid I had running shoes, dress shoes, winter boots and rain boots.  That's it.  (And, until my toes were curling at the end of the shoe they still fit in parents' eyes.)  Come June there were no shoes.  Of course I had sandals, but we spent most of the summer bare foot in the grass or at the beach.  When?  When did it become mandatory for children to have a shoe wardrobe like Imelda Marcos?

Alife Asics Gel Lyte III

Maybe I'm just crazy.  I don't know, maybe the hours days I have spent shoe shopping, hunting for one missing shoe, cleaning poopy muddy shoes, putting shoes on and taking them off again has been self-imposed punishment.  What I do know is that once upon a time there was a girl who loved to shop for pretty shoes, fun shoes, comfy shoes, trendy shoes.  She would shop spontaneously, spend too much and enjoy every minute.  Unfortunately, her fairy tale didn't have a happy ending.  The ugly shoe monster ate her alive!